Went swing dancing last night. I was running late because I had to do college stuff (story of my life) and get lectured by my mother on the do's and do not's of going "clubbing", i.e. do not leave your drink unattended because of roofies...blah blah blah. I know these things, I am an intelligent young adult. And swing dancing was at the American Legion--not a club. Gotta love moms though. When I finally met up with the group, I absolutely had a blast. I really want to find something like Pensacola Swing in T-town. It's fun to learn and try to dance, and then watch the people who actually can dance. Haha.
Today I went to Swaf's house to play yuck kickball, volleyball, etc. These are things that, in my mind, I absolutely love. However, you put me around a large group of people, and I tend to get quiet and shy away. These activities involve swimsuits and some form of athleticism. Neither of which am I comfortable with.
Because of these two occasions, I have discovered, that as far as I have come, I still have so much work to do on my self-confidence. I was so self concious last night. I was worried about doing everything right or looking stupid. I was so scared of dancing with guys because I'm not as small as all of the other girls, you can't really throw me around like that--not as aerodynamic. It really interfered with my having a good time. It seemed to come naturally for some girls to just get guys asking them to dance the whole time, trying new moves, being so carefree. Me, not so much. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not. But I just see myself as, well, I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can look in the mirror and be some sort of satisified or happy. I'm going to work on this, inside and out. I'm going to work on how I see myself and I am going to work to get into really good shape. Hopefully I'll be able to see how I grow through this blog. I hope it happens swiftly, because I really want to enjoy college to the fullest.
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4 comments:
now, chuuuuuuuuuulllllsea.... I hope you know that you are the envy of every girl out there! You were blessed with brains and looks! Everyone is not so lucky! I hope your darling little niece grows up to be just like you in every single way! You have always seemed so level-headed and grounded-not obsessed with boys like most girls your age! Myself, being overweight my WHOLE life and lacking in the self confidence department, met a wonderful man that loved me for me (and he has the best lil sis EVER)=)! Not every boy out there is hunting for size 2's! I don't understand what you are so worried about, GIRL, YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!!!! Are you crazy??!!
it's amazing how much we have in common...
You have blind sided me!! With everything you have going for you, I never would have thought you would feel like this. I don't know if life comes easy for you or if you have to work at it every step of every day but you seem to glide through. I suppose this is just more evidence that you can't judge a book by its cover!!
awwww. timi, that meant a lot. that was really sweet. really. thank you.
johnston, i was thinking the same thing. we should hang out at ua. :) i want to learn how to draw and stuff. we could have art therapy nights and kickboxing sessions. lol. :)
mr.tom, a lot of people say that. i try so hard to put on my happy face and be confident, but the truth is, in my head, you wouldn't want to be there some days. i am not depressed or anything, and i am lightyears beyond where i used to be, but i still second guess myself and compare myself to everyone. i'm a perfectionist in every way possible. i will work at something to get it right or i will analyze it to find its flaws. this proves to be a trait i have to work at overcoming everyday. it gets easier. i just strive every day to remind myself of how truly blessed i am and how my worries are so insignificant compared to the millions of people worse off than me.
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