Seasons

Today has just been a really good day. One of those days where you walk out into the sunshine and say, "Hello world. You look lovely today." Haha. I really love college. It was hard to transition at first, and the homesickness was hard to overcome, but I feel like I have a second home now. The people are awesome and there is so much to do here--so much opportunity. I'm getting more independent, too. I used to hate going places by myself, but I'm ok with it now. I don't take an hour to get ready, I don't dress up to go everywhere. It sounds cheesy, but I'm really figuring out who I am and becoming more comfortable with it. Even through the stress classes can bring on, I am still happy. Well, I guess it's really joyful, because it is constant. **Side-note on the stress--it is nowhere near what I used to experience. Now it is more of a conscious awareness of trouble brought on by outside stimulus** Even the discussion on Gandhi that I helped to lead went well. I was nervous because I am the only freshman in that honors class, but I brought up points that spurred debate and got raised eyebrows form my professor. Haha. In other words, it went well and I can't wait for the next.

I have some more adventures coming my way, but I hate talking about them. Every time I talk about something exciting it never comes to pass. So I'm keeping this one to m

yself until I accomplish it. :)

I surprised mom and dad last weekend. It was great. Dad cried when I walked up. Mom was super confused. She thought I had quit college. Haha. It was a great trip and supposedly much needed by my family who had had a rough week. I'll be home again this weekend for Labor Day and family pictures! Woohoo. Ha. It's strange because I feel so torn between home and here. I miss one or the other when I'm not there. I guess that means I'm growing up?

P.S. Saw some leaves falling in the breeze today.... :D That means my favorite time of year is fast approaching!!! Cool how me and nature are changing seasons together.

More Things I've Learned at College...

21. Always take an umbrella with you. Rain or shine.

22. Do not walk on painted pavement in the rain, especially in flip flops.

23. Watch the news, listen to the weather.

24. Don't trust the weatherman.

25. Get on your RA's good side. You get popsicles and exemptions form inspections.

26. The professor is always right. If the professor says class is over at 410, but your schedule says 445, do not question his wisdom.

27. Online virtual classes-no son buenos.

28. Get involved.

29. Get used to looking rough.

There Comes a Time...

when you just can't try anymore. Some people just don't want your friendship, don't have the time to commit to a TRUE friendship, or they just don't care. I've been in the place of getting annoyed at people when they whined about not being invited. I've been in the place of just living solely for me and going for what I want, and whoever wanted to be on the ride with me, go for it, but I wasn't going to make an effort to be a great friend. I am sorry to anyone that I ever did this to. It is so selfish. In the moment, I saw nothing wrong with it. I knew that I was happy, and I was blissfully unaware of the pain I was causing to others. Now the tables have been turned, and I get to experience the other end of the spectrum. I understand that these people see no wrong in their actions; I know what it's like. They see nothing wrong in what they are doing. That's what selfishness does to you. It blinds you. Some people are actively selfish, they knowingly commit selfish acts, are out for their own good and are fully aware of what they are doing. Others are blinded by selfishness. It is almost a subconscious action as they simply remain in their state of happiness and self gratification, neglecting the others around them.

Don't just ditch people or altogether exclude them. Don't assume that people have some sort of telekinetic powers and just know when you're going out. Don't assume that after someone politely declines an invitation to go out due to previous obligations (i.e. time with family, homework, church, etc.) that said someone never can, nor never wants to go out with you. That is just an ignorant and ill-founded assumption. Grow up and mature a little bit. You never know what a person is going through and how hard your petty neglect could hit them. Think about that person sitting alone at night because all of the friends went out, whether all together or in separate groups, because the invite text was sent to all except for "the one who can never come anyways". DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SOMEONE IS GOING TO TURN DOWN AN INVITE TO SEE FAMILIAR FACES ON A CAMPUS OF 22,000 STRANGERS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? Honestly, let's employ some logic, and hey, maybe even a dash of compassion.

I know that it's time to just let it go and stop letting it bother me. I shouldn't let their actions bother me. If they are incapable of simple courtesies, it's just not worth it. You can't mend something that was never whole in the first place. It's just hard because they have no idea what they are doing and how they are treating others. I look back and wonder how many people I did this to. Some people say that it's just human nature to live without abandon, and no harm or foul is intended. I understand this logic. Of course, live life to the fullest, carpe diem. Only you can live your life, and only you can make you happy. But our makeup as humans has a longing for companionship. How do you want people to remember you and how you lived your life? There is a difference between living in the moment/seizing opportunity and living selfishly and without remorse to any harm done. Really, how much effort does it take? Don't drag people along on a string of false sentiments and broken promises. You can't fake it 'till you make it with friends. If someone is supposedly in your circle of close friends, is a text too much to ask? Or how about the common decency to not make bogus assumptions? That whole concept of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." who would have ever thought it was true? Huh. Paradigm shifting, don't you think?

If you are reading this and getting offended, then you are probably guilty. You most likely do not understand my descriptions of your actions. In that case, go watch Mean Girls. See 'The Plastics'?

Insert your face. (The real one, not all the other ones you wear.)

Look in a mirror.

Congratulations.

I LOATHE

homework. Professors don't really make it easy for you to stay on top of things. It's overwhelming.

IN RESPONSE TO THE SUPPOSED 51 CASES OF SWINE FLU ON CAMPUS..

Things I've Learned at College...

1. Do NOT go grocery shopping while hungry.

2. Close the curtains BEFORE you change.

3. Stacking the shampoo bottles to make a step for your legs to shave is a no-no. The bottles are not architecturally sound and will collapse leading to legs butchered worse than before.

4. Germ X is your friend. Especially in times of swine flu explosions.

5. If you find a good parking spot--KEEP IT!

6. Don't eat salads every day. You WILL get sick.

7. Don't try to work out on the weight floor with the guys unless you have a real plan from a coach or trainer. You WILL be embarrassed.

8. Set two alarms. Just trust me.

9. Bring white or very dark t-shirts. Colored ones show sweat stains. Ew.

10. Track shorts and t-shirts are enough to live by. No need to get all cute. The boys are mean anyway.

11. Absolutely NO time for boys. At all.

12. Move for bikes. They do not move for you.

13. Neither do buses.

14. Make sure to see if the road you're trying to turn onto is a one-way. Before you turn.

15. Do NOT let people know about your ignorance surrounding the major sports teams. Just don't.

16. Do NOT wear any color combination that slightly resembles you rivalry team's colors.

17. DO bring lots of pictures and your favorite stuffed animal from home. Comfort at night.

18. Check to see the hours of the bookstores and dining halls. They do close. And sometimes early. Which leaves you hungry and without your books.

19. Remember your quarters when you walk all the way to do laundry.

20. Don't tell anyone you're a freshman.

The First Days...

Getting used to college life day by day. I'm finally getting used to the campus and even the street names which is a big deal for me!!! Haha'

I've already had some really fun times here. Target opened from 1030-1230 just for college students one night. It was a good time, even if there really wasn't anything special about it. We made it fun. It's almost been a week, but I feel like I've been here so long. I can't even remember everything unless I really sit down and think about everyday.

My first day of classes went well--no horror stories to speak of. My music teacher was playing Chris Tomlin when I walked into class (a class of 180 students!!!)--awesome!!! It really made me miss my music being in there though. I'm going to have to find an outlet. My UH300 teacher moved to the states from Germany last year. He is a former minister and still has a pretty heavy accent, but he is so enthusiastic and genuinely cares about our learning (there are only 15 people in the class). My Spanish 103 class is taught only in espanol. No english at all. Should definitely be interesting, but exciting. Today I have my international honors class. I hope it goes as well as my others. It's going to be a lot of work, a TON of reading, but I think I can manage it.

There are so many spiritual outlets on campus. It is amazing! I could find a campus ministry or church to be at every night if I were able to. I've found two that I really like, so I will probably divide my time between them. God has been so good to me in providing plenty of Christian friends and support. It is amazing. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me, it has really made a huge difference.

I still struggle with feeling lonely. It is a strange feeling being on a campus of over 20,000. There are so many people that it can make you lonely. Almost a lost in the shuffle kind of feeling. It seems like everyone already knows someone, and it's hard to wiggle your way into their group. "Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink" makes so much more sense to me now. It almost feels like I'm insignificant. I know none of this is true, and church helps me a lot with it. I know it will get better, it's just hard to take on the initial battle in my mind.

First Sunday at School

Well, I just woke up from my second night at college. I'm getting into more or a routine (sort of) and getting used to it. It was hard at first, but I know I will be fine. I had my first on campus meal last night. Woohoo! It wasn't that bad, but we didn't know that Burke Dining Hall closes at 7 on Saturdays, so we had about 15 minute to eat. Good times...:)

So on my first Saturday night at the University of Alabama, what did I do? Outrageous party? Nope. Walked across the hall to some of my roommates friends and lint rolled a rug. I know, I know. I need to slow down of this lifestyle will surely destroy me and I will become a failure or dropout. It's a problem, and I'm working to fix it. ;) The people I'm surrounded by are wonderful and welcoming. I'm excited to see what happens when I really get used to being here.

Today I have church, and the saying goodbye to the parents---for real. I've said bye like fifty million time this weekend, but they are still here and are going to church with me. I'm hoping it isn't super emotional. I haven't cried since the day before yesterday. Progress! We'll see how it goes. I'm wondering if it will feel different since I know they aren't in town, that they are four hours away. 

Time to finish my yogurt and getting for church.

The Day. And The Night.

So, today I left Baldwin County to begin a new chapter in Tuscaloosa. This past week I have been so excited, but the last couple of days my emotions really took hold of me. This morning was SO hard. I woke up early, was getting stuff ready, then dad came in my room to get a cable for my TV. He gave me a big hug and started to get upset. Then he got upset when I was saying bye to the cats. I think he's taking it harder than mom. I don't know. It's just been hard today. I really didn't think I woud be able to leave. But here I now sit in my room....

My room looks great. Unpacking and decorating was great to distract my mind. I met my roommates and some of their friends. It's going to take a bit to get into the swing of things and just throw myself into a new group, but they are awesome and fun people, so hopefully I'll transition well. I went out for ice cream with Laura and her brother Michael (who also offered a possible job at Planet Fitness). Thanks to them. I really needed that. I had some good laughs and it got my mind off of missing my family. I'm really working on meeting new people and being more outgoing. Then mom and dad left. As did my roommates. I started organizing the bathroom...then I just lost it again. I'm so excited, I really am. It's just so hard for me to let go of things. I'm so so so so close to my parents. Saying goodbye is going to be entirely too difficult. Tonight is hard enough. My first night alone. I hate being alone and it seems already that that happens often in college. I want to be independent, but I hate being alone so much. I ahte coming 'home' to no comments from mom and dad, no Louis meowing at me, no lights on. I'm sure it will get better once routines get set and people aren't doing all kinds of welcome/community service things. I hope so anyway. If it doesn't, I don't know how I will handle it.

I miss my mom and dad. I miss my brothers. I miss my cats. I miss my home.

Ex'Squeeze' Me?

Today was a productive day. I got up after a strange dream. Something along the lines of dinosaurs coming back with a Jumanji type twist. My PePaw and I hid in a cave from a rhino/tricerotops, but pepaw didn't make it. Then I ran for my life and was all alone until I found this colony of people staying in a Mall that had turned into a cave. I found people I knew, including my mom, so I texted her asking where Dad was, then I got a text from John Lennon saying my dad had died, then zombie people started to break in and I woke up to a pounding heart and sweaty palms. 

After I recovered from that glorious show from the subconsciou

s, I got up and cleaned my room and bathroom. I also called Apple and was on the phone for an hour figuring out why my computer wouldn't burn CD's. I got it figured out, thank goodness. Then I cleaned out my car and started packing things into it since my parents have decided they want to leave at 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING tomorrow. Oh joy.

Printed some pictures to hang up in my dorm. Then I had lu

nch at O'Charley's with Medea. That girl just makes me smile. I love her. 

On my way home, I decided I was going to go see Lilah and Liam. However, I received TWO phone calls from MUW demanding emails and phone calls to prove I wasn't going to attend this fall. I already have emailed and called numerous departments and offices about this. They were threatening that I would have to pay 5% of tuition if I didn't go onto my BannerWeb account and cancel my classes. *NEWSFLASH* I already called and had all of that cancelled, I no longer even have and ID, RAP #, or PIN! So I got transferred 5 times, eventually to an assistant registrar (the head registrar didn't know how to help me) that le

d me into a conversation that ended in tears on my end. She wanted to know who my advisor was........I DON'T KNOW! I DO NOT GO TO YOUR SCHOOL! I NEVER HAD AN ADVISOR! She proceeded to tell me that it was not their responsibility to do all of the notifications of withdrawal (WHAT?!?! IT is your JOB! I let you know, you let them know) and I would have to pay 5% of the tuition if I did not get my rap number from my advisor. She didn't know who my advisor was, I would have to do that on my own. Have a nice day. Click. Dial tone. Sobs.

I do not need that on top of everything else I am dealing wi

th right now.  An email and phone call notifying you of my withdrawal should suffice.  Dealings with every single departmental head and assistant on campus should not be necessary.

Then  go to see Lilah and Liam. It was so hard. When it came close to time to say goodbye, more tears came. It killed me to have to say bye to my little mu

nchkins. I love them so much. Lilah drew me a picture and gave me a necklace to 'put in my room and remember her'. She has grown up so much. I wish I was still that young and innocent. She told me to bend down and let her squeeze me. That's something we haven't done in ages. We used to always say that. Give me a squeeze!! I can't believe she remembered.

Well, I'm off to cram some more things into my little Scion TC. Tomorrow is T-Day. Wish me luck. 

Simplistic Thoughts from an Overloaded Brain

Packed mostly everything today. Only a few minor panic attacks.
Discovering more and more that I really am nervous. I forgot to eat today and am not even hungry.

The day after tomorrow, I fly the coop. I hope the goodbyes won't be as difficult as I am bracing myself for. I don't know how my parents are going to handle it.

I don't feel like writing my usual descriptive style. I just need to put my brain into restart mode because right now it's set to overload and it's bound to give out at some point.

Murphy's Law Applies

So I got to the hospital (dad had a check up in pcola) today with my family because we were going to go shopping and stuff afterwards. I wasn't going to go, but I really wanted to spend time with mom and dad, so I got up early and went. Hooray dedicated daughter!

I walk into the hospital, no more than 50 feet, something is pinching my hand, so I shake my bracelet, thinking it is the pinching culprit. This only aggravates the HORNET on my hand which proceeds to sting the MESS out of my hand. I then commence into a panic attack, complete with tears and a racing pulse. I've never been stung before and my dad is allergic....

Mom gives me too Benadryl, therefore I am a walking sleeper for the rest of the day. And I still can't feel my hand, except for one spot that hurts like nobody's business.

And I discovered a random strawberry on my thigh. Where from? Who knows?

Really? Who gets stung by a hornet in a hospital? Me, of course. Someone has to be living proof that Murphy's Law still lives on...

Ahhhh, se la vie. Gotta love it.

Oh. That's What That Pit in My Stomach is...

Got my MacBook and iTouch today. I am pretty much in love with them. I've been trying to configure everything and get it all situated, and I already favor it over PC. I also discovered, I have entirely to much music to transfer from my Zune and CDs to my iTouch. It's virtually an act of congress getting all of the music on it...

Packing. Oh my. I conquered a good bit of today, finally. I had to just get up and make myself do it. I think I keep prolonging it because it's just one step closer to my being on my own. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to grow up an have my independence, but I'm going to miss having mom and dad to help me out with little things. It's just strange....

I didn't think I was nervous at all. I am ecstatic, but the past few days I have not been able to eat. I only snack every once in a while. I can't even finish an apple. So I have come to the conclusion, that I have been pushing my nerves to the recesses of my subconscious. The truth is, I am nervous. I don't want to say goodbye to my parents. I don't want things to change so drastically. I mean, let's be honest. When I come back from college, it won't be the same. I will be a college kid home on vacation. I won't be Bill and Jackie's daughter that lives at home. And after these four years, I'm kind of a grown up. I'm on my own.

Ok. I've just got to stop. I'm getting emotional for the first time....

Learning to Love Me

Went swing dancing last night. I was running late because I had to do college stuff (story of my life) and get lectured by my mother on the do's and do not's of going "clubbing", i.e. do not leave your drink unattended because of roofies...blah blah blah. I know these things, I am an intelligent young adult. And swing dancing was at the American Legion--not a club. Gotta love moms though. When I finally met up with the group, I absolutely had a blast. I really want to find something like Pensacola Swing in T-town. It's fun to learn and try to dance, and then watch the people who actually can dance. Haha.

Today I went to Swaf's house to play yuck kickball, volleyball, etc. These are things that, in my mind, I absolutely love. However, you put me around a large group of people, and I tend to get quiet and shy away. These activities involve swimsuits and some form of athleticism. Neither of which am I comfortable with.

Because of these two occasions, I have discovered, that as far as I have come, I still have so much work to do on my self-confidence. I was so self concious last night. I was worried about doing everything right or looking stupid. I was so scared of dancing with guys because I'm not as small as all of the other girls, you can't really throw me around like that--not as aerodynamic. It really interfered with my having a good time. It seemed to come naturally for some girls to just get guys asking them to dance the whole time, trying new moves, being so carefree. Me, not so much. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not. But I just see myself as, well, I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can look in the mirror and be some sort of satisified or happy. I'm going to work on this, inside and out. I'm going to work on how I see myself and I am going to work to get into really good shape. Hopefully I'll be able to see how I grow through this blog. I hope it happens swiftly, because I really want to enjoy college to the fullest.

I can't believe that I will be leaving in one week. I have so much to do that I didn't even realize. I started to make a to-do list and couldn't believe the lengths to which it grew!!! I thought I was really on task for switching schools so late, but so much has snuck up on me. I've packed and organized all of the stuff I had to buy for school, but for some reason I didn't even think about all the stuff I already have, i.e., clothes, bathroom stuff, pictures, books. And how will all of this fit into the two vehicles we are taking? Ha. I wish I knew. I have to make sure that everything I ordered online will be here in time for my leaving, which is more difficult than I anticipated. And then there are all of the people I want to spend time with before I leave. So many friends going to other schools, friends from church, friends from other colleges--I have plans for almost every night until I leave, and this is great, until I think about my family. They are the ones I'm going to be crying over when they leave. I want to spend quality time with them, too.

I'm worried that leaving will change my relationship with Lilah and Liam, my neice and nephew. Will they still like me or remember me? Lilah is about to start school. I hate that I'm going to miss out on a lot of first experiences with her. One day I'll be the cool Aunt "Chuuulsea" living in Seattle that takes Lilah shopping and has fun slumber parties and takes trips to the zoo.

I'm learning it's good to have a plan and stick to it, but you also just have to take life one step at a time. I've always tried to stay a mile ahead of everyone else, but that gets you nowhere but alone. I'm not suggesting that procrastination is the way to go, but you can't always be perfect or ahead of everyone. I'm glad I learned that. It has helped me a lot with my stress issues.

Ok. This has distracted me enough. Time to go tackle some things on the ever-growing to-do list.

11 days...

11 days until I am in Tuscaloosa, living it up at the University of Alabama. WOOHOO!!!

I cannot wait to go to school. Living away from home will be challenging at times, and I will miss my family, but I am SO ready to be my own person. I can't wait!!! Learning to cook, being my own planner/alarm clock...it's going to be a great experience. I also can't wait to kick my workouts and diet into high gear to get into the shape I was in during swim season---and better. There's going to be so much to do and experience. I want to take full advantage of all of the outdoors activities--rock climbing, camping, fishing, hiking, kayaking--I'm doing it all. And don't even get me started on meeting new people! I already have two roommates and all of their friends to meet right when I arrive. I can't wait to meet sooo many other people from different backgrounds.

I can't lie. I am a nerd, and I am also extremely excited for my classes and the learning. I think college is going to be perfect for my kind of learning--independent and involved. I was pretty set on my major being Public Relations, but now I'm also considering International Relations and Political Science. I read Sunrise Over Fallujah and loved the type of work the characters did in Iraq. I am really interested in doing Civil Affairs work with other countries. The Middle East really interests me--crazy right? I could learn Arabic and study abroad at an embassy in Europe or something. Who knows? I'm known to change my mind quite often. SO many doors are open for me, and I will probably look around into all of them twice before I decide. I can't wait to write about it and watch my growth over the year.

Indiana Trip and Ireland Dreams

Back from Indiana....what a great trip. I love my family, no matter how crazy they are. Abby and I have decided that the theme song for our clan is "Welcome to the Jungle". It is definitely more than fitting. :)

So much is going on in my family. I wish I could just take them to my church and let them hear our pastor. I feel like it would help them so much. It's so difficult watching them go through everything they go through without that support from a church family. I don't think I would be able to handle it without the spiritual support that I have. I tried my best to be a light to them while I was there. They aren't terrible people at all, by any means of measure. I just wish they could understand why we go to church and don't curse, etc, etc. One day they will know. Until then, nothing will change my feelings for them. I love them dearly--so so so so very much. I will follow their orders and I will go to school and make them proud. :)

I'm adding yet another great book to my list of summer reads--'Tis by Frank McCourt. I had to read his first novel, 'Angela's Ashes', for my AP English class and absolutely loved it. He's so straightforward and simplistic, yet so compelling and inspiring. It's a shame that he recently passed away. He was definitely on my list of people I would love to meet and talk to. His books make me want to:
1)Run towards my dreams with every ounce of strength I possess
2)Appreciate everything I have--I am SO spoiled.
3)Visit Ireland and try to find my roots
4)Study abroad in Ireland and scoop up a nice Irishman to marry...haha